Specialist review (15.2.07)

15 February 2007

I get to see the bone specialist on 15.2.07, a week after my injury... Dr Sreedharan S removed my cast to examine my hands and sent me for x-ray. Without any cleaning, the itch and smell from my left arm is unbearable, so I took the waiting time to wipe the casted area...

Back in the consultation room, Dr Sreedharan told me that my wounds are healing, but my third and fourth fingers are not aligned properly, therefore these 2 fingers are permanently deformed. This means that both fingers will be crocked throughout my life... He suggested sending me for an operation to insert a wire to adjust back my fingers... But the operation must be carried out asap as my wounds are healing, any delay would increase the risk and reduce the effectiveness of the operation... As a perfectionist, I'm rather keen on the operation as I do not want to have any deformity. Thus, an operation is scheduled for tomorrow and I had to be admitted immediately...

But on the other hand, the surgeon (he came to meet Dr Sreedharan for lunch) who would be operating for me discouraged me for the operation. He explained that the surgery will only adjust my fingers straight and will not improve the gripping power and agileness of my fingers. Furthermore, as per any operation, there is risk involve... Numerous doctors who are in the room (they are waiting for Dr Sreedharan for lunch) also weight in with their opinions...

After some consideration and discussion with Mumy, I decided to call off the operation and see whether my fingers will adjust back to its normal placement on its own... Knowing from the doctors that the gripping powers and agileness of my fingers will improve slowly, it is unlikely that they will be as good as what they used to be before the injury... Dr Sreedharan scheduled my next appointment to be on 14.3.07. He gave me 28 days MC till that date and recommended MINDEF to downgrade me to C2L2 (temporary)...

After consultation, my left arm was cast again using blue fibreglass cast, instead of the normal plaster cast...


blue cast

Knowing that my fingers would be deformed for life, I started getting frustrated very easily and signs of another depression are getting visible... Both tend to appear when I have illness or injury that do not recover quickly... Learning from my past experiences, I tried really hard to control my thoughts and emotions. I mediated to ensure I am optimistic... Together with my "spend as much $ as possible treatment" planned on Eve of Chinese New Year Eve (ECNYE), the joy generated from retail therapy (spending lots of $ in a day when sad or stressed) is indescribable! Negative psychological symptoms are now well under control...

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