13 March 2020 (Fri)

23 March 2020

on 13 March 2020 (Fri), after buying sweets at Co-op, I had a seizure & fainted in NUS Central Library. i was admitted to NUH ICU, slipped into coma for 2days & only gained conscious on the afternoon of 15 March 2020 (Sun). i’ve discharged on 18 March 2020 (Wed) & will be on MC till end March 2020. this episode caught me by surprise, as i’m generally healthy & never had any history of seizure etc.

i have no idea why i would uploaded an unglam photo of myself in ICU onto social media on 16 March (Mon) & caused everyone to panic and worried about me. i also sent quite alot of illegible texts to several friends and group chats + i was told that I requested for many things that i dont remember now; guess its my subconscious mind that is empowering my mind. my sincere apologies for all the inconvenience caused. nevertheless, i’m thankful to everyone for your concerns and help. the past week has been particularly difficult for my mum & brother, who must be really scared & tired.

in addition, to update, i’m diagnosed with benign brain tumour of about 4cm x 3cm at my right parietal lobe. this benign brain tumour is the cause of my recent seizures, vertigo & fainting spells. a team of neurosurgeons, psychologists, physiotherapists, etc. will be doing alot of tests to assess & discuss how to treat/manage my condition over the next few months. based on current assessment and my age/condition, my main neurosurgeon’s preference is to remove the benign brain tumour through an awake surgery.

tbh i still havent accept my condition yet. at 34-years-old, i feel my world had suddenly collapsed. i feel more upset than sad. i feel that everything i learn, everything i knew & everything i done might become wasted. i’m worried over many things: will i fully recover after surgery? will there be a dent on my skull after the surgery? will i lose any existing memories or functions? will i be able to cope with my medical bills & financial needs? will i still be employable in the future? i also questioned “why me?”, “why do i need to be punished?” when i generally dont do evil things onto others.

but as many ppl knew, i’m a rather strong-willed, stubborn person, someone who dont give up easily when thrown with a challenge. i’m slowly coming to terms with my condition over the past few days & i hope to receive treatment for a full recovery. in fact, i want to win this fight, so that i can continue with whatever things i planned to do (e.g. become a real urban planner; bring my mum to Japan; gg for the long overdue 47都道府県 Tour in 2022; buy my own flat etc.). recovery will be a long (& likely painful) process. but i believe i can overcome this.

meanwhile, i’ll proceed with my master while seeking medical treatment concurrently. for now, please pray for me.

+ if u have neurosurgeons to recommend, please recommend. i am thinking of seeking 2nd opinion(s).

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