Benign Brain Tumour Operation (26 May 2020)

26 May 2020

i am never good in speaking; i’m much better in expressing my feelings & thoughts through writing.

26.5.20: I am on my way to NUH for a 10h surgery to remove the benign brain tumour. based on the outpatient reviews, baseline memory assessment & MRI scans, success rate of the operation remains at 95%; the tumour & surgery is unlikely to cause any permanent damage or affect my memory, knowledge & skills.

while i have full confidence with my medical team, i still have my worries about post-op recovery & many what-if. afterall, it is a major surgery on a complex vital organ. therefore, while aiming for the most optimistic outcome & keeping my fighting spirit high, i also need to be mentally prepared for the worst case scenarios.

after submitted my final essay for Y1S2 on 29.4.20, i have been spending the past few weeks (which at the worst scenario, might just be the last few days of my life) flipping through photo albums & jotting down brief month-by-month biography. there are happy moments, beautiful memories + fair share of sadness & angst. i get to talk & laugh with my family on these memories. i’m doing this for practicality, in case i might forget part of my memories (while unlikely, am doing it just in case). it is also an opportunity for me to reflect on my life: i reviewed what i have dreamt of, what i have done, what i have achieved, which are my pride, what i am aiming for, what i have not completed + thinking/re-thinking what i want to do in the future... tbh this is a very weird & surreal exercise.

以前, 我会觉得我最大的敌人是我自己. 但当我慢慢长大, 我开始发现我最大的敌人是时间; 因为人类可以超越自己, 但始终无法超越时间. this is especially true, when time is running out. many of my happiest moments are those i spent with my family & loved ones. i wish to have more time to construct more memories with them. i cherished the people & things around me even more & i finally learnt to let go of those that i lose.

i am very thankful to be Mumy’s son & have an extremely supportive brother; no words can express how much i love them. they just recovered from the loss of Papa & now they have to take care of me. they are my greatest motivation to stay alive.

i am also fortunate to have relatives who have been very supportive. i’m really thankful to Jonas, Olsen, Sandy, CheeKia, EnRu, Ryan, TianAn, XiangLing, XiuHua, LiLing, Ivan, Ann, BMT buddies, Raymond, Janessa, Chelsea, Jesvin, Eugene, DT, Beancurd Tofus, Yuting, Ken, Jane, ChinYee, JiaEn, YY, Lydia, fz, Serene, Shaye etc for your advices, support & encouragement. + MUP groupmates Cheryl, Chang, Anusha, Archana, Fathima, Ishwari & Sherie who supported me thru the remainder of Y1S2.

i feel like i’m gg to a war & an INTJ 不会打没把握的战 (i think i have been rather calm since learning about my condition). but if this happen to be my last post (which i hope not), thank you for being my friend & walked with me during part of my 34+ years long journey. 「その全て忘れない...」

[note: stop asking me if i’m ok. perhaps u might wish to PM me on how we met & the memories we shared. or u may test my knowledge on Maps, J-pop, K-pop or Japan. i think i’ll enjoy reading & replying these during recovery.]

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