Papa, Thank you

16 June 2019

It was a sunny afternoon on 17 February 2018, the second day of Chinese New Year. While on our way home after visiting my cousin's home, I casually mentioned that I would like to go for my routine run before our family dinner; but I end up taking a nap upon reaching home. However, my suggestion motivated Papa, who decided to go for his weekly run at Tampines North Park. After my nap, I went for my run and pull-up regime at Tampines Park Connector. Shortly after my run, I received a call from Mumy (my affectionate address to my mother); her trembling voice told me anxiously that someone called to inform that Papa fell after his run. I was in a lost upon learning this! I knew it must be very serious because if it was just a minor fall or injury, Papa should have called for assistance himself. Furthermore, he seems perfectly fine an hour earlier!

Immediately, I rushed over to Tampines North Park, which was a distance away from Tampines Park Connector. Along my way, I bumped into Mumy and my sister-in-law, who informed that my brother had hurried to the park. When the three of us reached, the Paramedics were already attending to Papa, who laid motionlessly on the path leading home and his face had turned purple. Witnesses shared that Papa collapsed suddenly and was given CPR by some good samaritans while waiting for the ambulance. My brother accompanied Papa to hospital while I rushed home to retrieve his identification and medicine. Despite efforts by the doctors at the emergency department, all forms of resurrection proved to be unsuccessful and Papa was pronounced dead from acute exacerbation of bronchial asthma at Changi General Hospital an hour later. This piece of news was a big blow to my family, especially to Mumy. During the last moment before Papa was sent to the mortuary, I uttered my farewell message before kissing him goodbye.

As Papa's departure is ridiculously sudden, I am unable to accept the reality. I was feeling very lost, confused and overwhelmed with guilt. It makes me realize that although Parents-Son relationship is permanent , we could be separated easily, suddenly and eternally due to an accident. I also realized that there are many things that I have always wanted to say to Papa, but I no longer have the chance to express.

Relation with Papa
I am grateful to my father for raising me up and bringing food to our table. I am thankful for the unconditional love, care and subtle protection he had showered in the past 32 years.

I was a naughty, but sheltered kid. Every Sunday evening, Papa would brought me to Big/Small Mac (local nickname for the McDonald's restaurants at Tampines bus interchange) to buy happy meal. Once (think it should be the UFO frisbee toy), Papa don't have hands to hold me and I started running around Tampines bus interchange, towards the bus-park. Papa had to chase after me under the queue railings and once he got hold of me, he said he will never let go of me again. I will always remember moments like this and the beautiful memories we shared.

Perhaps the greatest legacy Papa have left for me would be maps! I am grateful that Papa introduced the Street Directory to me in August 1994, taught me how to read maps and brought me to random places so that I can juxtapose the maps with how an area looks like in reality. Since then, maps have integrated into almost every aspects of my life, with geography became my best and favourite subject and urban planning became my career.

Power of Family
During this period, I really feel the bond and power of family. My maternal uncles, aunties and cousins have been providing loads of assistance and emotional support to my mother, brother and I. Things would be more difficult without their extensive help and love.

Chinese New Year is a period of celebration and Chinese will avoid attending funeral during this festive season. My family is extremely surprised and grateful that many of our second-degree relatives, friends and colleagues attended Papa's funeral; giving us their support and encouragement. Furthermore, friends with similar experience also gave me advice on how they coped with losing a parent. This is unexpected because I am not close with some of them. It makes me realize that there are more people who are concerned about me than what I would perceive.

Art as a form of communication
While unpacking Papa's stuff, I discovered that he still kept all the cards that I drawn during my pre-school days to celebrate his birthday and father's day.

Discovery of these cards is special and significant. These cards reminded me of my passion in drawing and how art was a form of communication to express my love to Papa and Mumy. These cards manifested Papa's acknowledgement of my talent and eventually supported my decision to pursue my studies at Art, Design and Media.

These cards also make me ponder:
• Children are encouraged to draw cards to express their love to their parents. However this practise seems to stop after children grow passed a certain age. Why?
• Can art, as a form of communication, express love and feelings?
• Can art help people overcome emotional issues, regain confidence and heal broken souls?

These thoughts and experiences inspired me to brainstorm deeper — on the definition of relations, memories and communication required to sustain relationships.

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