Papa's 64th birthday

11 August 2024

身後 / 張惠妹


今天 (8月11日) 是爸爸的 64岁冥诞.
一首好歌是可以勾起我們的回憶的. 在 "ASMeiR Max 2024" 演唱會聽到 A-mei 現場唱這首歌時, 真的差一點淚奔.
如果有经历过去太平间, 从冰柜認領突然离世的亲人遗体, 然后办理葬礼, 火化, 捡骨, 安放灵骨塔, 慢慢放下, 然后继续生活的人, 应该都会认同这只获奖无数的 MV 真的拍摄的很好.
歌名也是有趣的雙關語: 可以解讀為一個人的身體後面 (你的身後) 和一個人死後 (身後事).
很顯然, "掉了", "身後" 和 "離別總是那麼突然" 也讓阿妹組成了 "死亡三部曲".

Today (11 August) is Papa's 64th birthday.
this song hits me hard when A-mei sing it live during her "ASMeiR Max 2024 World Tour" at Singapore Indoor Stadium on 28 July 2024.
for those who experienced sudden death of an immediate family member, going to the mortuary to identify the body from the freezer, retrieve the body, signing (lots of) admin documents, arranging the funeral, answering (tons of) Q&A from relatives and friends, walking the last journey to the crematorium for cremation, 'collecting the bones', placing the urn at the columbarium, slowly accepting the loss, and continue with life, will definitely be able to relate to this award-winning music video of A-mei single "Left Behind". it is not surprising that this MV won the Red Dot Design Award.
interesting, the song title (in chinese) is a pun of 'behind someone' and 'after death'.
this song is also a critical component of A-mei death trilogy comprising "Disappear", Left Behind" & "Tritesse".

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Papa's 64th birthday   © 文彬 2004~2024. All rights reserved.

Papa, Thank you

16 June 2019

It was a sunny afternoon on 17 February 2018, the second day of Chinese New Year. While on our way home after visiting my cousin's home, I casually mentioned that I would like to go for my routine run before our family dinner; but I end up taking a nap upon reaching home. However, my suggestion motivated Papa, who decided to go for his weekly run at Tampines North Park. After my nap, I went for my run and pull-up regime at Tampines Park Connector. Shortly after my run, I received a call from Mumy (my affectionate address to my mother); her trembling voice told me anxiously that someone called to inform that Papa fell after his run. I was in a lost upon learning this! I knew it must be very serious because if it was just a minor fall or injury, Papa should have called for assistance himself. Furthermore, he seems perfectly fine an hour earlier!

Immediately, I rushed over to Tampines North Park, which was a distance away from Tampines Park Connector. Along my way, I bumped into Mumy and my sister-in-law, who informed that my brother had hurried to the park. When the three of us reached, the Paramedics were already attending to Papa, who laid motionlessly on the path leading home and his face had turned purple. Witnesses shared that Papa collapsed suddenly and was given CPR by some good samaritans while waiting for the ambulance. My brother accompanied Papa to hospital while I rushed home to retrieve his identification and medicine. Despite efforts by the doctors at the emergency department, all forms of resurrection proved to be unsuccessful and Papa was pronounced dead from acute exacerbation of bronchial asthma at Changi General Hospital an hour later. This piece of news was a big blow to my family, especially to Mumy. During the last moment before Papa was sent to the mortuary, I uttered my farewell message before kissing him goodbye.

As Papa's departure is ridiculously sudden, I am unable to accept the reality. I was feeling very lost, confused and overwhelmed with guilt. It makes me realize that although Parents-Son relationship is permanent , we could be separated easily, suddenly and eternally due to an accident. I also realized that there are many things that I have always wanted to say to Papa, but I no longer have the chance to express.

Relation with Papa
I am grateful to my father for raising me up and bringing food to our table. I am thankful for the unconditional love, care and subtle protection he had showered in the past 32 years.

I was a naughty, but sheltered kid. Every Sunday evening, Papa would brought me to Big/Small Mac (local nickname for the McDonald's restaurants at Tampines bus interchange) to buy happy meal. Once (think it should be the UFO frisbee toy), Papa don't have hands to hold me and I started running around Tampines bus interchange, towards the bus-park. Papa had to chase after me under the queue railings and once he got hold of me, he said he will never let go of me again. I will always remember moments like this and the beautiful memories we shared.

Perhaps the greatest legacy Papa have left for me would be maps! I am grateful that Papa introduced the Street Directory to me in August 1994, taught me how to read maps and brought me to random places so that I can juxtapose the maps with how an area looks like in reality. Since then, maps have integrated into almost every aspects of my life, with geography became my best and favourite subject and urban planning became my career.

Power of Family
During this period, I really feel the bond and power of family. My maternal uncles, aunties and cousins have been providing loads of assistance and emotional support to my mother, brother and I. Things would be more difficult without their extensive help and love.

Chinese New Year is a period of celebration and Chinese will avoid attending funeral during this festive season. My family is extremely surprised and grateful that many of our second-degree relatives, friends and colleagues attended Papa's funeral; giving us their support and encouragement. Furthermore, friends with similar experience also gave me advice on how they coped with losing a parent. This is unexpected because I am not close with some of them. It makes me realize that there are more people who are concerned about me than what I would perceive.

Art as a form of communication
While unpacking Papa's stuff, I discovered that he still kept all the cards that I drawn during my pre-school days to celebrate his birthday and father's day.

Discovery of these cards is special and significant. These cards reminded me of my passion in drawing and how art was a form of communication to express my love to Papa and Mumy. These cards manifested Papa's acknowledgement of my talent and eventually supported my decision to pursue my studies at Art, Design and Media.

These cards also make me ponder:
• Children are encouraged to draw cards to express their love to their parents. However this practise seems to stop after children grow passed a certain age. Why?
• Can art, as a form of communication, express love and feelings?
• Can art help people overcome emotional issues, regain confidence and heal broken souls?

These thoughts and experiences inspired me to brainstorm deeper — on the definition of relations, memories and communication required to sustain relationships.

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Papa, Thank you   © 文彬 2004~2024. All rights reserved.